Dark Memories
by SemiSpookyGhost
Summary: Sometimes, awful memories linger in our minds, tormenting us. Sometimes, we can't deal with them alone. MC/Sayori oneshot comfort fic. Rated T for dark themes. Mostly Hurt/Comfort with a bit of romance. Oh and spoilers for Doki Doki Literature Club.


Dark Memories

I wake up in my bed. I'm not sure why, but I get the feeling that Sayori is in grave danger. I get my clothes and shoes on as fast as I can and rush out my front door. I continue running to get to her house. The streets are eerily empty of cars and people. I figure that it must be pretty late at night, but I don't care, I need to make sure that Sayori is okay. I quickly unlock the front door using the key Sayori gave me.

I can't explain it, but something feels wrong as soon as I enter her house. My chest and neck tighten as my heart starts to beat faster. I make a beeline for her room. For some reason, I'm having trouble finding it. It's like the layout of her house keeps changing. I get more and more worn out the longer I run. The more I keep going, the creepier the hallways get. The lights change from a normal white light to an evil looking red. The paintings on the walls also start to become more ugly and twisted. Even the hallways themselves start to bend at an awkward angle. Eventually, I start hearing a weird glitchy, static sound in my head. I somehow manage to find the door to her room and I violently swing it open. I'm horrified at what I see.

Sayori is hanging from a noose tied to the ceiling fan. Just by looking at her face, I can tell she's in excruciating pain. She's wriggling around, trying to free herself, but isn't having any success. I try to go and help her, but my body won't move at all. It's like some sort of external force is preventing me from doing anything. I try and shout for help, but my mouth won't move. Then, Sayori notices me. As soon as she does, tears form in her eyes. She continues to try and free herself, writhing in horrible pain the entire time. Eventually, her hands start turning a deep crimson red from clawing at the noose so much. She winces as blood starts dripping down her hands and onto the floor. I can't watch this anymore. I try to look away, but even my eyes are frozen in place. Sayori's strength eventually leaves her body as her arms go limp. She gives me a solemn look with her eyes as a fountain of tears fall from her face. She no longer has the will to try and save herself. She then closes her eyes and goes completely limp. It's as if all semblance of life has left her body.

I suddenly realize that I'm no longer paralyzed. I make my way over to the noose to try and undo it. It's too tight. Thinking fast, I rush toward the kitchen. At least the house seems to be back to normal, as I'm able to find it quickly. I start frantically searching for a knife. After what feels like an eternity, I manage to find one. I bolt back to Sayori's room and cut her down from the rope. Her body feels as cold as ice. I place my hand on her neck to try and feel for a pulse. Nothing. "No, Sayori, please wake up", I desperately say, gently shaking her. I start to cry. "You can't… no… open your eyes!" I wail as more tears fall from my face. I shake her cold, lifeless body harder in some pathetic attempt to revive her. "Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up…".

I jolt awake, my heart pounding heavily. I feel like I'm going to throw up. My mind is still filled with dread from the nightmare. I quietly try to calm myself by breathing in and out. It's not working. I look into the darkness of my room. I'm not normally scared of the dark, but right now it just seems sinister. I close my eyes. All I can picture is Sayori's cold and lifeless body hanging from the noose. I decide I need to get some fresh air to calm myself down. I get out of bed and quickly slip on my shoes. I exit my room and head downstairs. I move quietly, I don't want to wake anyone up. I'm not sure how successful I am, since all I can focus on is my pounding heart and the surge of fear running through my head. My breathing gets tighter as I head for the back door. When I place my hand on the sliding door's handle, I realize that my whole arm is shaking. I open and close the back door and step out into the warm summer night.

I try and breathe deeply and slowly in an attempt to calm myself. I don't close my eyes, since I'm horrified at what I might see. I look up to the night sky. It's completely clear, so I decide focus on the stars. I know how to calm myself down by now, since I'm used to these panic attacks. This isn't the first, and probably won't be the last, one I've had. I can't get the events of that day out of my head. At first, I thought was normal to vividly remember it. But the memories kept forcing themselves to the front of my mind. It got worse and worse. Eventually, they started to seep into my dreams as well.

Slowly, the panic starts to flee from my mind. My heartbeat slows down a bit. I can feel the adrenaline gradually draining away. I can start to think again. It was just a stupid dream, why am I getting so worked up? Why won't these memories leave me alone? Why can't I just move on? My thoughts are interrupted by the back door sliding open.

I instinctively turn around to see who it is. It's Sayori. I must have woken her up when I got out of bed. As soon as I see her, another image of her hanging flashes into my mind. I quiver and look away from her. My heart starts to race again. I feel my adrenaline rising. What's wrong with me? I can't even look at my girlfriend without these awful things flooding through my head.

"MC, was it a nightmare?" Sayori asks in a sleepy, but concerned voice.

"Y-yeah…" I barely manage to stutter out.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asks me.

"N-n-no…" I reply weakly.

Sayori's been dealing with depression her whole life and I can't even talk to her about some stupid nightmare I had. She almost died that day and I'm the one having panic attacks about it. I'm so ashamed of myself. What kind of worthless boyfriend am I? I can't take this anymore. A wave of despair washes over me and I start to cry. Sayori must have heard me, because I feel her embrace me from behind.

"S-Sayori…" I manage to say in between my sobbing.

"Shh, MC, it's okay, you don't have to say anything," She says in a sweet, loving voice.

Her body feels so warm against mine. I can feel her heartbeat against my back, there's a nice calming rhythm to it. Focusing on Sayori's heartbeat causes my own to start slowing down, as if it wants to match hers. I start to calm down a bit. Eventually, I manage to stop crying.

"I'm sorry." I quietly say to Sayori.

"For what?" she responds sounding a little confused.

"For waking you up."

"I'm glad you did, considering what you're going through, I want to be here."

"But you already have so much to deal with, I don't want to burden you…"

"Hush, what's matters right now is that you're hurting, and you need me." I'm a bit surprised at how authoritative she sounded in her response. I've rarely seen this side of her. Right now, I'm very grateful for it.

"T-thank you, Sayori"

"Anytime, MC"

We don't say anything to each other for a bit. In the meantime, I take in the atmosphere of the summer night. The chirping crickets, the gentle breeze, the faint sound of sprinklers going off in the distance, and how bright the stars and moon shimmer in the sky. All of these things, plus Sayori's loving embrace, manage to calm my nerves. Eventually, the last traces of anxiety leave my body. I'm amazed at how quickly I was able to calm down with her here. I feel completely drained, but there's still something weighing heavily on me. I need to talk to Sayori about my nightmare.

"You didn't wake up." I start

"Huh?"

"In my dream," I respond. "It was like the day you tried to hang yourself, except this time you didn't wake up"

"MC, that's…"

"My body was frozen and I couldn't do anything to save you. I had to watch you try and free yourself from the noose. I had to watch you suffer in horrible pain. I had to watch you die right in front of me." I'm shocked at how calm I manage to stay during my recollection of the nightmare.

Sayori lets go of me. "MC…" I can tell by the tone of her voice that she's very distraught. I should have realized talking about her suicide attempt was a bad idea. I turn around and look her in the eye.

"I'm sorry, I should've realized that bringing up that day would be a bad thing, I'm such an idiot." I angrily chide myself.

"MC don't apologize," she looks up at me with somber eyes. "It's ok to bring up that day. And please don't beat yourself up, that leads to nothing but hurt". Her voice is somewhat stern, but at the same time loving and sincere. Her statement clearly comes from a lot of personal experience.

"You're right, I'm Sor…" I'm about to apologize, but I catch myself, remembering what Sayori just said. "Err… thanks Sayori".

"Ehehe~, nice save," she says with a slight smile.

I smile back at her. She really knows how to lighten the mood. I'm glad I told her about the nightmare. It feels like a huge weight off of my chest. Unfortunately, my relief is short lived, since Sayori's face suddenly drops.

"What's wrong?" I ask, concerned for her sudden change in demeanor.

"I Just feel so guilty…," she replies. Her eyes are now starting to water a bit, "you having these awful nightmares is my fault. If I wasn't so weak on that day, you wouldn't be hurting so much." Tears start to roll down her cheek. I can't bear to see her cry like this, especially after how much she helped calm me down earlier.

"You're not weak, Sayori," I say to her. "I can't even imagine what it's like, being in so much pain that you want to die." I try to wipe the tears off of her cheek to comfort her. "It isn't your fault that you have bad depression. I've never blamed you for what happened that day, so please stop blaming yourself." She wraps her arms around me and I do the same to her. She buries her head in my chest

"MC, I…" She sobs. I need to think of something to cheer her up and fast.

"Someone very dear to me once said that beating yourself up leads to nothing but hurt." I say as I grin slightly. Hopefully, I can pull this off to lighten the mood again.

Sayori sighs, and then lets out a short giggle in response. She looks back up at me, "I'll try to take that advice to heart." She's still crying a bit, but she's more cheerful than before. She then gives me a quick kiss on the lips, "thank you, MC". We both hold each other for a while longer, before eventually leaving the hug. Sayori looks much better now. I'm happy that I managed to cheer her up a little. We stand in silence for a bit before Sayori speaks up.

"I didn't realize it was this bad," She says with concern."When you told me you were having nightmares, I knew you were struggling, but this…," She pauses to think. Her eyes turn somber. "MC, I've never seen you in so much pain before. It's really scary."

I don't know how to respond. Sayori's been dealing with her depression with the help of medication and therapy. She's made quite a bit of progress in the past few months. I don't want risk that progress going down the drain because she's too focused on worrying about me.

"It's scary for me too. But, at the very least, the panic attacks don't last that long. They're honestly not that bad." I respond, trying to reassure her that I'm ok. I don't think it's working. She still looks concerned for me.

"MC, my suicide attempt was over six months ago, you shouldn't be having these panic attacks about it." She responds in a serious tone. "You're the one that saved my life, you can't suffer like this." She looks me in the eye,"you need some help with this, and not just from me."

Is she implying that I should see a professional? It's not a bad idea, but I can manage the panic attacks on my own. I always manage to calm down eventually. I just don't want to deal with this right now. I don't want to even think about the panic attacks. It's just too stressful. Besides, I'd rather not take up a patient slot that someone else with much worse problems could use. Sayori seems adamant about this though, so I'll need to convince her that I'm fine on my own.

"I don't know Sayori. I can handle them on my own. I don't want to worry you or anyone else. I don't…"

"NO!" she shouts. We're both in shock. I've never heard her sound so angry before.

We both awkwardly stare at each other for a bit, before Sayori eventually continues.

"I've learned a lot these past few months. The main thing being that it's okay to need help with your problems. I finally realized how stupid I was being before. I suffered alone for years because I didn't want to burden anyone else with my problems. All it did was cause me years of pain, until it nearly killed me. MC, please don't make the same stupid mistake I did. I can't bear to see you suffer like this. Please, I'm begging you, get some help." She looks at me with desperate, watery eyes. I have no words. I try to think of some sort of counterpoint to what she said, but nothing comes up.

"Um…" I start, not quite sure how to respond, before I finally admit defeat. "You're right. I should look for some help. I shouldn't suffer alone anymore."

She smiles serenely at me. "Good! You can get through this, MC." She grabs both of my hands, "I'll be with you every step of the way". Her hands feel so nice in mine. It's like she's sending warm, positive energy through my body.

I think deep down, I knew I needed some help. I was just too scared to admit it. Unfortunately, finding a professional that works for me probably won't be an easy process. But, in the meantime, I still have Sayori. Maybe some of the stuff she's learned in therapy can help me? Maybe she's also had to deal with the memory of her suicide attempt? Before I can think of anything else, Sayori lets go of my hands and looks at me with mild concern.

"Something on your mind, MC?"

"Actually yes, do you ever have nightmares about…your attempt?"

"Not really," she says, "believe it or not, I rarely get nightmares"

I'm a little startled by her response. I thought she would have nightmares about almost dying, or at least something related to her depression."Really?" I ask in response.

"Dreams aren't when I feel bad, it's when I'm trying to fall asleep that's the bad part. That's when the rainclouds are at their strongest."

"Oh." I'm feeling a bit guilty for waking her up now.

"Also, to be honest MC, I can barely even remember that day at all."

"What?" I say with shock and skepticism.

"All I really remember is how sad you looked when you saw me trying to free myself, then passing out, then how relieved you looked when I woke up."

I'm stunned. I thought she would feel even worse about that day than I did. She nearly died, how could she not remember it?

"You know," she says interrupting my train of thought. "I think it might have been because of the drugs they gave me at the hospital, you told me they were some heavy stuff."

"Yeah, you were pretty loopy for the rest of that day," I say, smiling as I recall some of the absurd things she had said.

"Hopefully, I didn't do anything too embarrassing," she remarks, touching the tips of her index fingers together.

"It wasn't anything too bad, though you did…"

"I never said I wanted to know!" she interrupts me, her cheeks flushing red.

I then start to laugh. How can she be this adorable? I'm not sure if she's acting this way intentionally, or if it's just her natural response. Either way, I'm glad for it. She then starts to laugh along with me. I'm not even sure her response was that funny to begin with, but we both desperately need a good laugh right now. We both laugh for while, before eventually managing to calm down. We're grinning at each other like the two biggest idiots on the planet.

Sayori lets out a big yawn, "MC, I'm pretty tired, want to go back to bed?"

I realize I'm pretty worn out too. "Yeah, sleep sounds nice now."

I'm amazed at how much Sayori has helped me. Though, it shouldn't be too surprising, since she's spent her whole life trying to make everyone happy. She really is the best girlfriend I could ever want. I can't believe how lucky I am to have her in my life. I take her hand in mine and head back inside.

I hope Sayori's shouting or the laughing fit didn't wake up my parents. I don't want to explain what Sayori and I were doing in the middle of the night. Luckily, their bedroom door is still closed. We head back into my room and get back on my bed. I cringe a little when my head hits the pillow, what if I have another nightmare? Sayori must have noticed, since she has a concerned look on her face. "MC, if you have another bad dream please wake me up. I'll always be here for you."

I smile, "Thank you, Sayori, for everything you did tonight." I lean in and kiss her, wrapping my arms around her. "I love you," I whisper.

She kisses me back, "I love you too."

After some cuddling, we separate and go back to sleep. I close my eyes and start slowly drifting away. I might still have nightmares and panic attacks for a while, but with Sayori by my side, I know that I can get through them.

A/N: Woo. This my first fanfic I've ever wrote. If you read to the end, thank you. I hope you enjoyed the story. Despite it being my first, I'm actually pretty pleased with how it turned out. Hopefully the spelling and grammar is ok. I'm pretty bad at using quotation marks, so if you noticed any errors feel free to mention them in a review. If you have any tips for how you think I can improve please tell me in a review. Have a nice day/night!


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